How often do you keep in touch?

:  welcome to the traveling introvert. Today I want to talk about keeping in touch. This has been on my mind since a friend of mine messaged me, must've been. Two weeks ago. I hadn't heard from this friend in about three to four years, and so it always something that comes up time and time again.

I do tend to be the, the keeper of my friends relationships. I do tend to be the person that keeps in touch the most. I'm the one that starts conversations. However, this is not always the case. I'm trying to get better at making sure that my relationships are a two way street. And so I got this message and I was traveling at the time, and so I kind of looked at it and then didn't think about it again.

But this person had reached out after not reaching out at all for about three to four years. And I happen to live in the same city as this particular person. And so it's not a case of, Oh, they live in a different time zone or in a different country or anything of that nature. They literally live in the same city as me.

And what bothered me about this message was they were very much like, hi, long time, no, see you haven't heard from you in ages. And. Okay, so you haven't heard from me, but you also haven't messaged in ages. Why is it me that has to be the one to keep in touch, and I definitely have friends who are bad at communicating.

So, but they're very upfront about it. They're very much like, Hey, I'm really bad at keeping in touch if you message me  I will  messages straight back. And so I have that already in mind with that person. And so yes, I do definitely have two or three friends who are those people. But if I message them, I do get a message within 24-48 hours depending on which time zones we're in.

So that is fine because they've set the boundaries in advance, they've set expectations, and that we know. But people who I used to talk to every two weeks who suddenly drop off the map and then turn up three one three years later, and as if nothing happened or as if it's my fault, irritates me friendships and relationships in all their forms.

That should be a two way street. And so. When you're thinking about your friendships, think about when's the last time you reached out to somebody and are you always reaching out when you want something, because that's the other thing. I've definitely had people who drop off the first of the earth and then turn up a couple of years later say, Hey, I need you to do this thing for me.

And then get frustrated, irritated when you're like, Oh, Hey, haven't heard from you in forever. Thought you were dead or whatever, and now you want something from me. No, that's not how this works. That's not how relationships or friendships work. It is a two way street where. Both of us. There's some give and take.

You can't just be like, Oh, Hey, I haven't seen you in eight years or however long it is. I need something from you, or I need to stay at your house, or where are you? It's very frustrating. So my advice to you out there is checking on people because also you don't know what has happened. Don't be the one person that.

People always are asking for, make sure you reach out to other people, even if it's just to say hi. It's better than radio silence for years on end. And also when you reach out, don't only reach out to people when you want something that's not fair, nor is it nice and it doesn't make you a good human being.

We check out people and say, hi. You don't know what's going on in their lives. Maybe they just need someone to say hi to them. So be that person and see what a difference that makes, what a difference you can make in people's lives. But I'm curious listeners, how do you view it? If you have a friend who hasn't messaged you in three or four years and they pop up out of nowhere as if nothing happened and asking you for something, how do you react?

How do you feel? Do you empathize? Maybe something's happened in their life and they lost track. But they're not apologizing. They're not saying, sorry. They're not asking how you are. They want something from you. So how does that make you feel? And if you are that person that does these things, there's, you can never, it's never too soon to stop being their person.

Go through your lists, go through your WhatsApp list, go through your contact list and just say, hi. It makes the biggest difference in the world. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions, please email me at Janice@thecareerintrovert.com. 

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